Dice and Spade Write Fanfiction
by MDGeistMD02
Summary: A one-shot involving exactly what is in the title. Features characters from 'Being a Saint' and is considered canon in that universe. Takes place after Chap 34 in that fic (approx. the time ch 36-37 take place). Rated 'M' for language, very slight adult situations, and violence. Also has a very, very slight self-insertion. Comedy/Humor


***********************************WARNING***************************************

**This fic takes place in the same continuity/universe as _Being a Saint_.**

**It takes place AFTER chap 34 in that story (around the time the events of ch 36-37 are happening), and everything herein IS considered CANON.**

**If you haven't read that far yet, there may be some unintended Spoilers. ****Just a head's up.**

***************************************WARNING***************************************

* * *

**A/N: Been a while since I posted anything; life and stuff got in the way again.**

**I wanted to write something lighthearted so here's a little nonsensical offering to fill the void until my regular fics start picking up again. ****This is an idea I had about a year and a half ago. Basically a fanfic _WITHIN_ a fanfic. ****Also this marks the first time I have ever done a self-insert. Well, more of a _cameo_ actually. See if you can catch it.**

**Finally, two good friends of mine, _PikovajaDama_ and _High Mage Lady Hawkmoon_, volunteered to offer 'Reviews' of the fic written by our dauntless heroines. I**** thank them immensely for their help and participation. Consequently, I am dedicating this chapter to them. Thanks ladies!**

**********Now, on to the tale...**

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**Dice and Spade Write Fanfiction**

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**Prawn Court, Red Light District, Southern Stilwater**

**Tuesday, May 31, 2011, 9:04am**

**Dice's Apartment**

…

…

The microwave dinged, drawing Dice's bleary-eyed attention. She blinked sleepily and forced herself to the kitchen counter to see if her beverage was suitably heated. Retrieving her cup of green tea, she poked a tentative finger into the steaming liquid.

"Ow, shit," she muttered and shook the offending digit.

She moseyed back over to her seat and just sat down when she heard a light rapping at her apartment's front door. She sighed.

"Damn it." She got back up, and ambled to the front door. She looked through the peephole. "You back already baby? You forget your key?"

She was expecting to see her boyfriend, Blake, through the tiny circle. Rather than the six-foot-three blond man, she saw a beautiful, well-built young woman, with wavy, shoulder-length dark hair and a mischievous look on her face. She knew the girl instantly. It was…

"Spade? What are you doin' here so early in the morning?"

"Why don't you open the door and find out?" her friend's voice responded, muffled through the wooden door.

"Oh yeah, okay." Dice unlatched the three locks on her door, and opened it part-way. "What's up?"

"You dressed?" the taller brunette said from the hallway; she was attired in a sleeveless low-cut top and hip-hugger jeans that accentuated her curves. Her eyes glistened impishly. "You decent?"

"Decent enough," the short girl admitted. She stepped out from behind the door, revealing she was wearing black briefs and a short dark pink baby doll shirt that didn't quite cover her belly. Striped black and pink stockings that reached her mid-thigh completed her ensemble.

"Well crap," her friend said with a look of disappointment as she stepped in. "How is our mad love affair gonna happen if you answer the door with clothes on?"

"Ugh, it's too early for you to be hitting on me," the tiny girl complained as she headed back to the kitchen area. "Just close the door and have a seat while I drink my tea."

Spade's eyes narrowed, but she did as she was bidden.

"'_Oh it's so good to see you, Spade. How have you been?'_" she mocked in a higher-pitched tone, emulating her friend. "'_Why just fine, Dice. Thank you for asking.'_" she continued on in her own sultry voice.

"Sorry, sorry," Dice apologized. She yawned briefly before continuing. "Blake's doing his workout routine with Stammer today. Left at like 6:30 in the morning. Ugh. I was thinking about tryin' ta get better at fightin', maybe training with him, but its soooooooooo damn early."

"Ooh," Spade giggled. "So I have you all to myself today."

"Seriously? I am so not in the mood right now."

From her kitchen chair, Dice glared at her friend a moment before sighing deeply. She yawned again and stretched as Spade slid a large plastic bag onto the kitchen table.

"What's this?" the short blonde asked.

"Well, it was supposed to be a gift," her friend replied with a scowl. "But now I'm not so sure your crabby butt deserves it."

Dice perked up a bit at the gift as a slow smile crept up to her face.

"You know I'm always an asshole before 10am," she said as she began opening the bag.

"Usually afterwards, too," Spade muttered, though not very quietly.

Dice grimaced.

"What was that? I didn't quite hear… What the shit? A computer?"

"It's a laptop!" her friend beamed. "Complete works! Charger, free internet, free Wifi, super advanced IP address scrambler that's like five times better than the current ones out in the market. It already has a mirco signal booster installed that makes the Hawking one seem like garbage. Like quadruple that piece of crap's range easily." She smiled broadly as she glanced down at the device. "Plus the booster has decent duplexing capabilities. And the best thing, you can piggyback off of…" She paused as she noted Dice's blank expression.

"I have no-the-fuck clue what you're talking about. None. Nothing you've said makes any sense."

"Bottom line, kiddo," Spade told her, "…you can connect to any signal within this building, and not have to pay for internet service."

"I…" Dice began, a sheepish look on her face. "I don't really use a computer for, well, like for anything. I mean I got my phone, and it has that Wifi thing or whatever I think. The Boss pays for it, so it's already free."

"Babe, there's free," she replied, opening the case up and turning the machine on. "And then there's _free_. The extras on this thing won't be made available for like three years. This little techno-geek I know is sweet on me and well, he gave me about two dozen of these. I sold most of the others."

When the screen prompt appeared, she typed something in.

"Password is 'Diamond1'." She smiled and turned the screen to face Dice. "Cuz you were the Queen of Diamonds."

The little Saint tried to look pleased; after all one of her best friends just gave her an awesome gift. But as she told her, she really had no use for a computer.

"What, uh, what should I look up?" she queried, as she barely moved the laptop mouse pad.

"Whatever you want. Me personally? I'd choose porn."

"Ugh, Spade! Seriously?"

The brunette chuckled lightly, then took control of the pad.

"Here, search for _Friendly Fire_." She made some quick keystrokes. A screen appeared. "There ya go! Order all the ammo and guns you want."

"Meh. The Boss gives us coupons that get us huge discounts, but only if we show up in person."

Spade tapped the keys again.

"Or order clothes online. Whatever style you want, whatever size. No more going from store to store."

"Honestly," the little blonde admitted, "I like to try the clothes on first before I buy them."

"Oh my god, fine! Here, there's even online games, MMOs, all sorts of stuff."

"Well, I play the ninja fruit killing games and the _Pissed Avians_ games on my phone. Sometimes _Zombie Uprising_ at the cribs with Lucia because they have the game consoles."

Spade glowered at her.

"You're about as much fun as a box of rocks," she declared.

Her fingers typed across the keyboard again.

"Here. You can read stories. Whole books can be downloaded."

Dice stared hard at her.

"Ya really think I _read_ that much?"

Spade looked disappointed for a moment.

"Not even fanfiction or anything like that?

"Fanfiction?" Dice queried, an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, like the stuff regular people like you and me write. Anybody can do it. What's that god awful comedy-drama you like? _Bobby and Amber_?" She clicked across the keyboard then turned the laptop towards Dice again. "Here. Check it."

"The show's not god awful; it's funny," Dice defended as she glanced at the screen. She noticed all of the stories lined up. "These are all about the show?"

"Yep. The fics can be about anything: movies, books, shows, video games. Anything."

"Huh, wow." The smaller girl seemed impressed. "And like anybody can do this?"

Spade nodded then her face lit up.

"Hey, that's what we can do!" She snapped her fingers. "You and me. We can write fanfiction!"

Dice cocked an eyebrow as doubt fell across her face.

"Um, I dunno. I'm not all that good at writin' and stuff."

"Pssh! Have you _seen_ some of these stories?" The brunette shook her head. "The grammar, the spelling, and the, the… yeah." She made a face then continued on. "All we need is an idea. Somewhere to start."

"So, we pick anything?"

"Yep, anything." Spade looked at the screen. "Hmm, _Bobby and Amber_ has like two thousand stories. Let's try something else that doesn't have as many fics already."

Dice nodded then thought about what would be a good subject. She didn't read much, so there were no books she could decide on. The only movie she had seen recently was _Thunder Punch_ with Blake, and there wasn't really a story she could imagine from that. She thought back to when she was at the crib last. Sitting with Lucia. She was on the couch near the game room and…

"I got an idea! What about _Zombie Uprising_? You said we could do games right? How about that?"

Spade blinked. She had never played the game and was about to throw the idea out, but the elated look on Dice's face changed her mind.

"Okay," she agreed, clicked some keys, and then scanned the screen. "There's only ninety-eight stories about that. Not too bad. We have to set up an account but that won't take long. Do you have a notepad and pencil?"

The little blonde nodded and went to retrieve them.

"Alright," the older girl said. "Let's do this."

* * *

The slow _**clak-clak-clak **_of Dice's typing revealed her lack of skill with the laptop, but still she was making progress as Spade continued penciling ideas.

"Okay, I got the beginning part done, I think. Wanna check it out?"

"Sure," Spade replied and glanced at the screen. "Not bad. I'd change this though, and add a period here."

The tiny girl nodded and made the corrections.

"Now then," said the brunette. "We need to finish up our OC hero, Victor Grange. Since he's our creation we can do pretty much what we want."

Dice smiled in agreement.

"How's this then?" The brunette glanced over her notes. "He's clean-shaven and got this dangerous look to him. His hair is jet black, short, but spiky on top. He has cornflower blue eyes that just exude power and confidence. He's also got this low voice that almost purrs when he speaks. And of course he's hot!"

Dice glanced over at her.

"Wait. That sounds…" She leaned closer to look at the notes. "That sounds like Mr. Kind."

Spade looked up, complete innocence upon her face.

"Oh does it?" She winked.

"Obsessed much?" her companion asked with a shake of her head. "You need serious help."

"Hey! My fic, my characters," she defended.

"_Our_ fic," Dice retorted.

"Yeah, that's what I meant." Spade winked again.

The little blonde scoffed.

"Well, if you're gonna put him in, don't forget to mention that he smells real good when he gets close to you," she mused with a slight smile at the memory. "Nice and spicy and stuff. Yum."

Her friend sighed lowly.

"Yes," she grumbled. "You've reminded me about that. More than once thank you. Sorry if _I've_ never gotten close enough to him so I can confirm it."

Dice grinned with a light chuckle.

"God, I wonder what sex would be like with him?" Spade pondered aloud, the pencil's eraser clasped between her teeth.

"I don't know about that, but he kisses pretty damn good," the younger girl admitted as she typed a bit more. "Direct and knows his shit."

Spade paused and blinked at her friend.

"Excuse me, what? He-you-he kissed you?" she blustered with a raised eyebrow.

Dice's face paled as she realized what she just said.

"Uh…"

"Oh my Christ, you're not lying!" the taller girl nearly shouted as she leaned closer. "Where the hell did _this_ happen? _When_ did this happen?"

The tiny Saint mumbled something under her breath.

"I didn't catch that."

"_Club Koi_," she repeated quietly. "The night I got my promotion in the Saints."

Spade went wide-eyed.

"While you were already with Blake?"

"Look, it was an accident," Dice muttered, color coming back into her cheeks.

"Accident? How the hell do you _accidently_ swap spit with Mr. Kind?"

When the little blonde offered no explanation, she probed further.

"Who initiated it?" she asked, her eyes filled with accusation.

"He did," the girl confessed.

"_He_ did?" Spade looked incredulous. "Are. You. Serious."

"He said he had something like four drinks, I think. Maybe that had something to do with it."

"Four drinks, huh?" The brunette's eyes narrowed. "And this was at _Club Koi_, you said?"

Dice nodded.

Spade flipped to a blank page of the notepad and scribbled something down quickly while mouthing the word 'four'. She tore off the paper and slipped it into a pocket of her jeans.

"What was that?" the little blonde asked.

"Never-you-mind," the older girl retorted. "What I want to know is-"

The front door suddenly opened inward. A young blond man with brilliant blue eyes stepped into the small apartment.

"Blake!" Dice cried out and then turned to Spade. Under her breath she uttered a quiet, "Don't say anything about that, please."

She got up and rushed to her boyfriend, flinging her arms around his waist in a tight hug.

"Maggie, wait!" he warned. "I'm all-"

"Ugh, sweaty!" the girl groused with a grimace as she released him.

"Yeah that. My workout remember?" He turned to see Spade, who had moved to sit in front of the laptop. "Hello, Alice."

"Hey, stud," she glanced over at him with a cocked eyebrow. "Looking fine as usual."

He shook his head with a smirk, then turned back to Dice.

"I'm going to grab some clean clothes then take a quick shower." He leaned down and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

She smiled. "Okay. We'll just be over at the new laptop Spade got us."

"Oh?" He glanced at Spade who was rapidly typing something. "That was nice of her. Thank you, Alice."

"Never a problem," she called back.

After he went to the bedroom, Dice slid quickly into the chair next to her friend.

"Okay, promise. _Promise_ you won't say anything."

The older girl gave her a hard look for a moment, then the corner of her mouth twisted into a low smirk.

"You honestly think I'd do anything to jeopardize you two?"

"I just mean I haven't said anything, so please don't say anything about it either."

"Fine. But later on, I want _details_. ALL of the details, you understand?"

Dice nodded quickly.

"Good. Now then, let's get going on this."

* * *

As Blake was finishing his shower, Dice brought over a cup of hot green tea for Spade.

"Thanks," she said with a nod of appreciation. "Okay here. Take a look. I added a sex scene between Victor and Sarah." With a proud smile, she turned the screen so her partner could read the story so far.

"Why do we have to have a sex scene?" the younger girl asked.

"Why not?"

Dice mouthed some of the words, then her face blanched.

"Since when is sex so… _violent_?"

Spade blinked.

"Violent?"

She turned the screen back and read what she had written.

"That's not violent," she remarked, then pointed at a passage on the screen. "That shit there? That's what I call fun!"

"I dunno…"

Mongrel came out of the bathroom then, toweling off his hair. He'd changed into a pair of blue jeans and a black t-shirt.

"Yo, Tall, Blond, and Hunk-some!" Spade called to him. "C'mere and read this. Tell me what you think." She glanced to her partner seated at the table. "Watch. He'll like it."

"What're we doing?" he asked as he came up behind them.

"We're writing Fanfiction!" Dice announced proudly. "It's based off of the game, _Zombie Uprising_."

"Oh, okay." He smiled. He looked at what was displayed, then his brow furrowed. "That's awfully violent. Is she attacking him?"

"Violent?" Spade scowled. "What's with you two? I made sure that Sarah has the voltage set low enough; it's not a lethal charge. And the blade is just there for effect. She doesn't intend to break his skin with it, unless y'know he struggles too much."

Blake cocked an eyebrow.

"Ugh fine!" the taller girl said in exasperation as she threw her hands up. "I'll delete the whole damn thing. You know what you two are? _BORING!_"

She highlighted the five paragraphs and hit the 'Backspace' key.

"There. Gone."

Dice frowned as Mongrel just shook his head.

"Nice to see you can take criticism so well," he said with a grin.

"Yeah, you didn't have to erase all of it," Dice added, then she turned to Blake. "Wanna read what we wrote so far? I did some of it!" She seemed particularly proud of that.

"Um," he hesitated, but his girlfriend's imploring look made his choice for him. "I guess so."

"Yay!" she squealed.

He crouched down, pulled the laptop closer, and began scrolling through the text.

"So how'd the zombies get there?" he asked.

"They're in the game," Dice replied.

"No, I mean, what made them zombies? Radiation? Magic? Voodoo? Experiment gone wrong?"

The two girls glanced at each other.

"I don't think…" Dice began. "I don't know. In the game they're just there."

"Ah, okay." He continued reading, until he got to the description of the main character, Victor Grange. He pointed and turned with a queried expression to his girlfriend.

"Hey, that's not me," she explained quickly and indicated the other girl. "That's all Spade."

He went back and scrolled through more of it.

"Well, this is wrong," he indicated a paragraph. "That's just bad tactics. I'm also wondering how infrared goggles actually pick up the heat of zombies, who should be cold, or at least room temperature. And this part, where Victor is doing that backflip thing. Even with a running start I don't possibly see how he'd make it up the wall, given his build and the clothes he's wearing. Leather pants are too confining. And then he manages to kick both of the zombies in their faces and knocks them down?"

He shook his head.

"And what would breaking a zombie's neck do to it? I mean the thing's already dead. I don't see that actually killing them. At best the things'd be paralyzed. Even so, their flesh is technically dead, and I'm pretty sure the nerves aren't really sending pulses out to their extremities anyway. See, this is why I never liked zombie movies in the first place, because-"

He turned to see both girls staring hard at him, their arms crossed and scowls upon their faces.

"Go-" Dice began.

"-away." Spade finished.

He blinked.

"We both have guns," his girlfriend reminded him. "And unlike _you_, we both know how to use them."

"Um, yeah," he said as he slowly got up, a frown upon his face. "Why don't I make you two little authors some sandwiches or something?"

"Yeah, that'd be good," Spade agreed coldly.

He nodded. "I'll leave you to it, then." He moved quickly to the kitchen area.

As he went, Spade turned to her writing partner.

"He is right about one thing, though. How does the uprising of the zombies occur? What starts it?"

"Um, I don't really know," the short blonde girl admitted.

"Hmm, let me check my notes." She moved over and started scanning through her scribblings on the notepad as Dice resumed typing. "I remember a movie from the eighties. Where like this comet or meteor shower caused the zombies. Maybe cosmic radiation? Think we should search it?"

"Um, okay."

Dice minimized the fic and typed in a search.

_-meetier showers-_

A prompt came up.

_-did you mean __**Meteor Showers**__ or __**Meatier Showers**__?-_

"Well, I don't think there's an 'o' in meteor," she mumbled as she clicked the second choice.

"What?" Spade looked up. "Yeah, meteor is spelled with an 'o'."

"Huh?" she looked over at her friend, before glancing back at the laptop screen. "Well, what did I just click on?"

A low, seventies funk beat started playing through the laptop's tiny speakers as a bold yellow title of '_Meatier Showers'_ dominated the upper third of the screen.

"What is it?" Spade asked.

"It looks like video of a prison, like a shower area," Dice explained as a low-resolution video began playing out. "There's two guys in it." Her eyes widened. "Oh, uh, I think they're naked."

"Oh really?" Spade raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah, this is weird. I think they're talkin' or something and… OH MY GOD!" Dice's jaw dropped.

"What?"

"They-they're…" the little blonde pointed to the screen as she scooted her chair back. "And right in the…"

Spade came over and looked. Suddenly, a huge smile split her face.

"Oh, hello!"

The shorter girl's cheeks turned a bright pink.

"No, turn it off!"

"Pssh, whatever," the tall brunette said as she moved her seat closer and waved Dice off. "You need to go away, little girl. It's time for the _big_ girls to have fun." She sat enthralled by the movements of the two figures on the screen.

"Stop the video!"

"Wow," remarked Spade as her teeth nibbled lightly on the nail of her right pinky finger. "I think I'm gonna need a cigarette and a caramel latte."

"Ugh, Blake!" the tiny Saint called out. "Spade's downloading porn! And on our new computer!"

"Who-wha-me? Nuh uh!" The older girl shook her head. "I ain't the one who clicked on this shit! That was all _you_!"

"Then turn it off!"

"Fine!" Spade relented. "We need to finish this anyway." She clicked the story back up. "Let's forget about the zombie origin for now. We've been at this for a few hours now and don't even have thirteen hundred words yet. Here." She indicated a paragraph. "We need a good cuss word to fit in here."

Dice moved back to sit next to her.

"You mean like 'bastard' or 'ass-butt' or something?"

"Yeah, but something a little flashier. Hmm." A mischievous look crossed Spade's face. Suddenly, she punched Dice in the arm.

"Ow, you fucktard bitch-whore!" the blonde girl complained as she rubbed the sore area. "That hurt!"

"'_Fucktard bitch-whore'_," her friend muttered with a smile as she typed the words. "That'll do." Spade glanced over their work. "Okay. We just need something really sappy to end this. A really good romantic line."

"Hm," replied Dice then she turned and called out to the kitchen. "Hey babe!"

Blake looked out from where he was making their sandwiches.

"I'm sorry?"

"C'mere, baby."

He moved to join them.

"Yes?"

"Give me one of your pretty lines," the tiny Saint said.

He furrowed his brow.

"Pretty lines?"

"You know," said Spade with a smile. "The good ones. The _dangerously charming_ ones."

He cocked an eyebrow.

"Um, I can't just come up with one."

"Ugh," Dice moaned with a roll of her eyes.

He scowled.

"Alright."

He took a deep breath, knelt down next to Dice, and brought his gaze up to meet hers.

"So often I've wondered, what's the point? Is this all there is? I've done things I'm not proud of. Terrible things. If only I could do something good. Something right. Something worthwhile. Maybe make up for all the things I've done wrong."

Dice blinked and glanced at Spade for a moment then fixed her gaze upon him again.

"But then you came into my life, Maggie. The first time we met, you called me a hero. You became my friend, my best friend. You opened your heart to me, and I loved you for it."

He put a gentle hand on her cheek. He eased his fingers to the end of her chin and held her face softly in place as he spoke to her.

"Then you let me be with you. You allowed me to love you. And I realized that I have the power to do the best thing ever."

"What was that?" Dice asked, her eyes wide in wonder.

"I have the ability to make the most precious girl in the world…" he leaned in and gave her a light kiss on the lips. "…happy."

He smiled gently at her.

"I do make you happy , don't I?"

Dice sighed deeply and just nodded, unable to say anything.

"Then I have done the best possible thing that anyone could ever do."

Spade realized she'd been holding her breath, and finally released it.

"Wow… um okay then." She took a deep breath. "Yeah, that'll work." She typed in the additions to the fic. "I think we're finished then."

Dice blinked and glanced at the screen.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"You have a foreword for your fic?" Blake asked.

"Um, no I don't think so."

He nodded.

"Here. Allow me then. It's the least I can do for being overly critical earlier." He leaned in and type up a quick passage at the beginning of the story. "It'll give your story a bit more depth and impact."

The girls looked at what he had written, glanced at each then looked at him.

"Well hell," Dice remarked with an eyebrow raised. "If we'd known you were this good, we'd of let you help us with the whole thing."

He smirked and shrugged his shoulders.

"Anyway," Spade interjected, "let's write up the author's notes and post this bad boy. Then we can see what people think."

Ten minutes later a new story in the drama genre appeared on the FF site. It was entitled _Corridor 32_ written by a collaboration team known as the _Queens of Stilwater_:

**000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

_**AN: Hey guys! Here's our ****Zombie Uprising**** story on FF. It's a colab between yours truly and my little partner D. The foreword is written by our friend Blake. Let us know what you think – S**_

_**Yeah, hope you like it! It's our first, so be nice! And yeah, Blake wrote the beginning before the title, we wrote the rest. - D**_

_**...**_

_**...**_

_Foreword:_

_It was the silence that got to them._

_Hours waiting alone, putting them on edge. Ears strained to detect the slightest movement, to note the slightest sound. The survivors waited… waited for the eventuality. For the zombies. For the walking terrors, the undead feasters of flesh. The survivors waited, and hoped to avoid being devoured by those they once counted as their family and friends._

_They waited alone and in silence._

_And it was the silence that got to them…_

_**Corridor 32**_

_Corridor 32. It was the shithole of the entire underground complex. Dark and smelly with bad lighting and a long way from the main headquarters, Corridor 32 was the place you got sent if you were really good at fighting zombies or were just a trouble-maker. It wasn't clear which excuse got Victor Grange put here._

_Victor was good at fighting, but the commander also often said he was a trouble-maker, and caused too many problems. None of the mattered to Victor though. He'd do his job just like he always did. Because it was why he was there, it was what was needed, and of course to protect his love._

_Victor was a handsome guy, clean-shaven with short, spiky black hair, and penetrating cornflower blue eyes that exuded power and confidence. Many of the female survivors considered him a 'tall, cool drink of fresh crisp water', but he had eyes only for his lady love, Sarah Probber._

_He was thinking of her beautiful lips and gorgeous eyes when the faint clatter of a metal pipe sounded off somewhere in the distance. In seemed to come from ahead of him, so he knew it could be only one thing._

_"Zombies," he said in a low purr._

_He flicked out his ultra cool sunglasses and put them on, which were useful for inside since they had infrared vision. He checked his weapons, two high-powered pistols with zombie killing ammo, and then was ready to go._

_It took him a bit to get where he heard the noise, because Corridor 32, being a big ass corridor, was pretty long. Victor looked around at the empty area and stroked his chin thoughtfully. Victor checked both sides and even the stairway leading down into the dreaded dark basement. And then he saw movement._

_"There you fucktard, bitch-whores are," he said with a grimace._

_He crouched down, and moved stealthily down the steps, creeping further and further into darkness. By the sounds there seemed to be two zombies at least, even though he saw only one. He crept down three flights of stairs, listening to the eerie moaning of the dead. It unnerved him. Even the silence was better than this._

_Then suddenly he was there. Among thewalking dead. A small horde of disgusting pukey things with grey peeling flesh and stinking to hiugh heaven._

_"Gross," he muttered under his breath and aimed and then fired._

_BANG!_

_The walking bag of dead flesh stumbled back as his perfectly aimed bullet hit it right between the eyes._

_"Die!" he yelled as he fired some more._

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

_Three more of the walking corpses fell down, smoking bullet holes in their heads._

_Victor smiled to himself, pleased with the work he had done. He went to check on the dead things to see if they had any useful loot that might be useful. He was rather disappointed when he didn't find anything._

_"That sucks," he grumbled, and started reloading his pistol, when rapid movement caught his attention. "What the hell?"_

_Charging straight at him was one a tiny blackened zombie, almost the size of a large child. Its moan was high-pitched and kind of scary. The worst thing was, he knew what the thing was. The little blackened zombies were some of the worst of the undead, because when they reached their victims they exploded in fury – literally._

_"Exploding zombie!" he yelled and dove to the side just as the thing reached him. It exploded immediately._

_BOOM!_

_"Ugh!" Victor was thrown hard into a wall, but the plaster and wood were weak. He crashed threw to the other side, inside a strange dark room. Luckily he was wearing a heavy leather jacket reinforced for protection and matching tight leather pants. The armored clothes gave him some protection. He tried to get his bearings, but soon realized his guns were knocked away. Even worse, the room wasn't empty._

_Two more vicious undead were in there eating the remains of some animal, maybe even a person. But the two monsters stopped what they were doing when they realized they had fresh meat on the menu._

_"Shit!" he yelled and scrambled to his feet. He ran back outside and headed down a one way hallway. Normally this would end up with a survivor being eaten, but Victor was slick. The two zombies chased him and nearly caught him as he ran straight at the wall. Just as he reached it, he increased his speed. Thanks to his amazing agility, he was able to run right up the wall, doing a backflip in midair and smashed his heavy combat boots into the faces of his pursuers, knocking them back._

_One zombie's head was crushed and it dropped like a sack of undead potatoes. The other one however, moaned and started coming forward again. Victor let the zombie rush him, then ducked under its flailing arms, and got behind it. He wrapped his arms around its neck in a chokehold, as the thing tried to claw him. He didn't let it though, and gave a sharp jerk with his arms._

_SNAP!_

_The monster's neck broke and all fighting from it stopped. Victor let go and the thing fell to the ground._

_"Not bad," came a sultry voice from down the hallway._

_Victor turned to see the hottest girl ever. His lady love, Sarah Probber, a tall brunette with long luxurious hair that somehow seemed to stay perfect despite running around the filthy corridors of a sunken city. She pointed to a far corridor._

_"But you missed one."_

_Victor turned to see a horrific monster lumbering towards them. It was a huge zombie mutated by whatever it was that made all the zombies in the first place. Even scarier was the fact that its head was nearly severed and hanging grossly behind it, yet somehow it was able to detect the pair of survivors._

_"Crap, another one," Victor complained, but his girl moved up quick._

_"Don't worry, babe, I got this," she said with confidence as she took out a small flask. She looked at him and winked. "190 proof Everclear." She tossed the flask at the zombie, coating it thoroughly._

_The zombie moaned as it got soaked._

_Sarah ran up to it and whipped out a taser. She fired the prongs out and hit the zombie dead center._

_"Burn, bitch!" she yelled then lit it up._

_WHOOSH!_

_The big monmster stumbled around on fire and then finally fell over, cooked all the way through._

_"And that's how it's done," she said with a smile that took his breath away._

_He smiled as he moved up to her, trying to embrace the beautiful girl._

_"Um, no," she said as she looked at the mess that was zombie remains on him. "Ew. You need to clean up first."_

_He blinked and then sighed._

_"So often I wonder, what the point is?" he purred in his low dangerously charming way. "I've done things I'm not proud of, terrible things. If only I could do something good. Something right. Something worthwhile. Maybe make up for all the things I've done wrong. But then I met you, Sarah. The first time I met you, you called me a hero. You became my friend, my best friend. You opened your heart to me, and I loved you for it._

_"Then you let me be with you. You allowed me to love you. And I realized that I have the power to do the best thing ever. I have the ability to make the best girl in the world happy. I do make you happy, right?"_

_She blinked and then smiled at him again._

_"Nice try," she said. "But you still need to clean that crap off before you're getting any."_

_"Fine," he grumbled. "Let's go back to Corridor 32. The Commander's probably wondering where I'm at anyway."_

_Sarah laughed as she followed her boyfriend back to base._

_**THE END**_

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...

...

It was around 2pm when Dice noticed the review icon had lit up.

"Oh look!" she exclaimed, beaming with excitement. "We got a review! By someone named MDGeistMD02."

"What's it say?" Spade inquired.

"_For your first attempt this isn't bad. I found some of the parts rather entertaining..._" Dice began reading.

"Some?" her partner asked, inching closer.

"_However, there are several discrepancies with the original game canon. I wonder if those were intentional, like an AU take on the source material, or something else entirely," _Dice continued. "_Also I'm not so sure this would really be considered a drama, as you have it under, as there are aspects more of both action and comedy in it. Maybe more will be explained in the next chapter_._ Also be wary of falling into the Mary Sue/Gary Stu trap_."

"Wow, this guy sounds like a stuck-up, high-brow, elitist douche," Spade scowled. She looked up his profile. "It says he's in the US. I wonder if there's a way to track his ass and personally 'thank him' for his eloquent review."

"Pssh," said Dice. "It's just one guy. Fuck that asshole. We may get other reviews."

More time passed and eventually other reviews began to trickle in.

"Hey, there's more." Dice turned the laptop so Spade could see it. On it was displayed the following:

**000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

_**Anon**_

_Great! Write Moar!_

_…_

_**PikovajaDama**_

_Usually, I am not much into zombies. However, after having seen a playthrough I chose to give some zombie fiction a try and stumbled across yours._

_Well, where should I start? I think the foreword is quite adorable. It transports that eerie mood which goes along with some survivors waiting for the ultimate encounter with the zombie hordes. The calm before the storm. Kudos to your friend for that one. :)_

_As for the story, I've read some nice ideas in there. However, I'd recommend expanding them more. Put in some background:_

_Why is Victor sent down there? You mention good fighting skills and/or being a trouble-maker. But why is he a trouble-maker? What did he do, what problems does he cause usually?_

_What makes Victor such a good fighter? Where did he learn that? This gets important on that scene where he is running up the wall and doing a backflip. That is some nice physical abilities he has there, which would make him quite adorable. BUT, where do those skills come from? How did he learn that and from whom? Having those skills totally out of the blue would make him quite mary-sueish, I'm afraid._

_Next point, the zombies:_

_Those little black ones. What is it that makes them explode? And why do they only explode when they reach their victims?_

_Then, in general, what makes the zombies being zombies? I think it would be interesting to know some background info on what caused all this apocalyptic scenario._

_I really liked that scene where Sarah lit that huge zombie on fire. That was pretty badass. :D_

_Also, I had a good chuckle about the sack of undead potatoe, and for some reason I also chuckled about that fresh meat on the menu part. :D_

_What I really adored was that part where Victor declared his love for Sarah. This was really well written and romantic, though again, it came a little of a sudden. Kinda didn't fit the situation._

_As for overall writing style, I noticed some typos and some grammar that sounded a bit odd to me. However, I'm not a native speaker, so I could just be wrong about that, thus I won't be picking on that. Let the native speakers do that. :P_

_…_

_**CultClassic99**_

_Needs more sex and violence_

_…_

_**TreeHugger4U**_

_Make some of the zombies allergic to plants. I think that'd be cool! XD_

_…_

_**DeadBeatBob**_

_That was pretty awesome! You guys (or girls) have some mad writing skills. You gonna do anything else? Other games? I'll follow you just in case._

_…_

_**Anon**_

_The scene with the exploding zombie made me jump and yell at the screen._

_…_

_**High Mage Lady Hawkmoon**_

_Nice start for a first fic. The foreword was amazing. You captured the feel of the game nicely. The dark desolation. The fear and desperation. I like that you have all the different zombies from the game. I hate those little exploding bastards._

_Your hero is hot as h-e-double hockey sticks. I really like that he's in a relationship and a totally committed relationship. And that speech at the end, I'd have done him, zombie chunks or not._

_Now for some constructive criticism:_

_- You have some spelling and grammar errors. You may want to invest in a beta reader. Maybe get Blake to do it for you (since he did the foreword)._

_- Watch that you don't fall into the Gary Stu/Mary Sue trap. Your characters could easily. Give them some weaknesses and faults._

_- Your action is a little unbelievable. Fun and exciting but a little unbelievable. Watch your physics. I don't think a normal person could have done that backflip thing. The rest of your action was good though._

_Overall, not a bad first story. You had action, some comedy, a HAWT hero and gorgeous lady. You've got a good start. Keep it up. I'll be back to read more._

**000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

…

…

"Pretty good for our first try, I'd say," Spade nodded. "Though it looks like some of the people shared Blake's sentiment about the backflip thing. I guess he was right."

"Yeah, but still, lots of people wanted more." Dice chuckled. "Too bad there won't be."

"What? Why not?" her friend asked.

"Huh?" The blonde girl scrunched up her face. "Cuz we're done, right? I mean we wrote our chapter."

"Yes, but we can write more," Spade said enthusiastically. "Get more people to fave and follow us. We'll become epic!"

"Uh, I dunno…" she did not seem convinced. "I mean it was a traumatic experience just for what we did. Don't know if I could do it again."

"Aw, c'mon. We hardly do anything together anymore. I mean we could meet up here. Hang out. Write a little, and just chill."

A small frown crept up to Dice's face.

Blake walked by just then and saw the reviews displayed on the screen.

"Oh hey, got some readers huh?" He nodded in approval. "Cool. You guys did well." He scrutinized the comments more closely. "Ah, my foreword was noted, too. Awesome."

"Yeah people commented on that; they seemed to like that," Spade admitted, then her eyes lit up and she snapped her fingers. "Hey, that's it! We could have a ghost writer!"

"What's that?" Dice asked.

"We come up with the ideas and we get someone else to do the writing. They make our ideas sound awesome because they're better mincing words then us." She glanced over at Blake.

Realization dawned upon Dice's face.

"Oh, I get it. Someone really good with pretty words." She turned to look at Blake as well.

"Yeah," Spade continued. "Dangerously charming words."

Blake glanced at the pair who shared a mischievous, yet unpleasant, look. The situation did not bode well.

"What?" he asked.

"Oh, nothin'," his girlfriend said as she sidled up to him, reaching around his waist to hold him close. "Just thinkin' about our next chapter."

"Yeah," agreed Spade, as she moved up to his other side and pressed against him. "What direction our story could take. And, uh, who we could possibly get to write it for us."

"Yep," Dice laid her head gently against his chest and glanced up at his face, her eyes wide and imploring. "If only someone cared enough to help us, seein' as how well he writes and stuff."

Normally having two attractive young women draped over him wouldn't be a bad thing at all. Now, however, Blake felt as if he was being toyed with by two deadly vipers.

"We would be ever so grateful," Spade's voice took on a sultry tone.

"Yes, ever so," Dice said sweetly with a flutter of her eyelashes.

"Do I have a choice?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Not really," they said in unison.

Blake sighed in resignation.

"Crap. Fine, I'll help."

"We knew you'd see it our way," Spade said happily as Dice just giggled.

* * *

**A/N: This was more of a fun experiment than anything else. Any and all 'mistakes/typos/grammar issues' that took place within the girls' fic were intentional. It was sooooooooooooooooo hard _not_ to edit them out. **

**Thanks for reading!**


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